Boss Guilts Employee Right Before His Paternity Leave: 'I can’t tell you not to take it but that’s a long time without you'

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Feb 19, 2024 2:00 PM EST

Imagine how this employee's wife responded to this guilt-tripping. It probably does not bear repeating, but maternity and paternity leave are an inherent part of workers' rights. We all know that being a parent of someone at any age is a full-time job in and of itself. Being the parent of a newborn is like having five full-time jobs at once, and that does not include someone's actual full-time job. 

To that end, there is no point, especially in this day and age, in a toxic boss trying to shame an employee for taking too much time off for maternity or paternity leave. Not only would you be disappointing your employees, but even if they did cut their time short, that creates resentment. Furthermore, there is simply no way the employee will be fully present during that time. After all, the distractions are constant and the responsibilities are never-ending. Let this story serve as a reminder to give employees what they need during this challenging period so they can feel ready, willing, and able when they elect to return.

This thread was posted to Reddit by u/BpositiveItWorks, the wife of the employee in question. She had some choice words for her husband's toxic boss. Keep scrolling below for the full play-by-play. For more, here are 20 funny job interview flubs. 

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  • 01
    Husband's boss is trying to guilt him into not taking total amount of paternity leave that he's entitled to under HR policy.
    via Amy Hirschi
  • 02
    r/antiwork Posted by u/BpositiveItWorks 11 hours ago Husband's boss is trying to guilt him into not taking total amount of paternity leave that he's entitled to under HR policy.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 03
    My husband's company allows 5 weeks of paternity leave. He is entitled to take the full 5 weeks consecutively according to HR and his boss is aware of this. When he told his boss he planned to take it, his boss acted shocked and like it was an issue but then said "I mean I can't tell you not to take it but that's a long time without you."
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 04
    Today my husband had to meet with his boss and the guy above his boss. The guy above his boss asked if they could work something out so that he wasn't taking the full 5 weeks consecutively and maybe he could come back after 3 weeks and then take the last 2 weeks later.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 05
    I am livid at the audacity of these people. I told my husband they cannot pressure him in this way (I am an attorney and I work for an attorney general's office).
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 06
    My husband is not a pushover so he did not agree to what they asked, but it me off so much that they attempted to guilt him into taking time away from us bonding with our new baby together. We have been through 3 miscarriages and a surgery in order to get to this pregnancy and the fact that they don't think he deserves 5 weeks with me and the baby makes me livid.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 07
    daekle 7 hr. ago I disappeared off for 2 months for paternity. Twice in the last 2 and a half years. I could have taken longer but left the rest of the leave to my wife. My boss said "enjoy your family time". This is the default here in Germany. Unionise and demand more. 353 Reply Share
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 08
    Gloomy_Tie_1997 - 10 hr. ago Sounds like he should use some of that time during those 5 weeks to job search. Reply Share 293
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 09
    Rei_Jin 10 hr. ago Business owners take the risks that come with running a business, for the chance of the rewards when things go well. Part of that means that they have the responsibility to manage their workforce in line with contractual and legal obligations.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 10
    Those who earn a wage/salary from a business are not entitled to the same "reward" when things go well, but instead receive guaranteed conditions and pay for their labour.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 11
    Any business owner who doesn't want to abide by this framework, or manager who doesn't want to abide by it for the hope of personal gain, deserves every bit of opposition they can possibly get.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 12
    You don't get to privatise gains and socialise losses/sufferings, that's not how it works! TLDR: your rights. that boss, enjoy 151 Reply Share
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 13
    Sainted Romaine 12 hr. ago It was offered by the company. That means it was given the okay by the top brass. If there are no stipulations saying it can't be taken in one chunk, do it. If middle management has a problem with your husband taking the offered 5 weeks, they should take it up with the execs that decided it was okay. 81 Reply Share
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 14
    BpositiveItWorks OP. 12 hr. ago Exactly. They can't do if he decides to take the full 5 weeks. I just find it disgusting that they tried to make him feel guilty about it and tried to change his mind.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 15
    Flying-LabRat3108. 10 hr. ago He should email HR. No complaint, just notification, and state I will be taking my company approved 5 weeks. During that time he should look for a new job, they will find it make up a reason to let him go.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 16
    LNgTIM555 11 hr. ago Sounds like a petty company. He should take the 5 weeks and enjoy the time off.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 17
    Puzzled Raise1401 10 hr. ago I mean you can have more kids and see them grow up, but who is going to make sure the TPS report has a cover sheet? But seriously. Let them fire him or retaliate in any way and you can sue the out of them.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 18
    BpositiveItWorks OP. 15 min. ago Office Space is one of my favorite movies. The wisdom it brings is timeless.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 19
    Quebecdudeeh - 6 hr. ago In Canada the guy can take 6 months paternity leave and would be a major new item if a boss were to pressure anyone otherwise and they would likely lose their job. So 6 months for the mother and 6 months for the father. The USA is wild.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks
  • 20
    Equinsu-Ocha 11 hr. ago . No matter what you do, you are worth less to your employer than a few points on a spreadsheet. Why would you ever feel guilty? It's a transactional relationship and you did your part already.
    via u/BpositiveItWorks

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workplace-stories work stories toxic-workplace job work paternity toxic-boss human resources family reddit thread Reddit company toxic-work-environment
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